1.12.2011

Man unreasonably terrified of being late

Todd Rivers of Boston, MA sleeps in his car every night out of fear that he may be late for work the next day.

Rivers described his routine succinctly.

"I get home from work. I shower.  I get dressed for work, and I get in the goddamn car."

From there he usually gets fast food at the nearby Spike's Junkyard Dogs drive-thru.  He buys 6 hot dogs, but only eats two of them.

"Two hot dogs is really plenty.  The rest of them I use to make lewd gestures toward senior citizens and small children."

Rivers has been arrested three times and hospitalized once, all in hot-dog-related incidents.

He described the medical situation with anything but tact.

"There's a certain irony to almost choking on a hot dog and having something that might have pig rectum in it be surgically removed from your ass," says Rivers.

 "Oh yah!  And I'm really afraid of being late to things... like work and other events or occasions," he added.

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